Tuesday, October 19, 2010
A Navy Family in Naples: #31
A Navy Family in Naples: #31: "#31. While we were in London, it seemed like the kids had to check out every bathroom we came to. So at one point while we were not in a re..."
Monday, October 18, 2010
I HAVE TO GO!!!!!!!!
Today I sat in my van twice trying to buy time....Earlier today waiting for Mari's preschool to get over and later when both Hank and Mar crashed and I wasn't going to dare wake them up and get them out of the van as I was waiting for Dylan to finish up a class, so I just sat...but I found myself in both times having to "go"....
First it is usually ok to hear men talk like this but as a mom and as a nurse my life is consumed in " I HAVE TO GOOOOOOO!!!!!" moments......
Call it the Potty...The Lu...The John.... The Can....The " I HAVE TO GOOOOOOO" Room...and even better when more than one has to use it at the same time.....
This thought of having to go has been lingering around in my head the last few months because to survive daily right now I have to adjust everything I do around this one thing...and have found it even more amusing when I am alone with the three of my kids and I "HAVE TO GOOOOOO!"
Like earlier in both situations...I was sacrificing my comfort for well...My Comfort... "Bladder Distention" VS "Calmeness and Quiet"
I can go all day "without going"but at both work and at home I am ushering kids and patients to the bathroom.....cleaning up accidents and yes at times, getting "it" on me...and prepare yourself for this "honest, gross confession" having that awful stench on my hands EVEN when I have used a gallon of Bath and Body's strongest and a bottle of hand sanitizer to try to get it off...it just sticks and STINKS.....hoping that was more of in the diaper phase.......but still wiping butts.......
and even after that...I still have to pick up the Dogs dooo.....:(
The problem is that the kids always have to go the moment I am in the back of the store....the moment I just leave and my FAVORITE...being alone in the car, while one is sleeping (esp this summer when we were on the road back and forth on the turnpike)....
Hence...my solution...
 |
| Connors ON THE GO in the van potty |
We use this everywhere now...not just on long car trips but trips to Walmart...ect...(It has helped to make at least one thing "SIMPLE" in my life right now.....)
Packed in my van is the potty, some Lysol wipes, baby wipes and hand sanitzer and "baggies" for "mr. poops" Just real life baby...
Somehow being confined in the van rather than dragging all three into the store bathroom is way better than them climbing on the gross floors, touching the toilet and me trying to confine one or more while I am trying to keep the other from falling into the toilet.
I still find myself in the store bathroom but way less for them and usually it is for when I need to go...which is another topic...let's just say I threw modesty out the window a long time ago and could care less if a stranger gets a peek...usually I am glad at that moment there might be someone willing to grab one of my kids if by chance my pants are to my ankles and one is getting away!!! Usually one of them climbs under the door and the other plays with the latch and gets the door wide open...
I do have two techniques that seem to pay off 80% of the time lately that I will share:) (Yes, potty time is a good "Mr. Rogers teachable moment"...anything to try to look like a better parent!!!
1. I ask them, "show me how you pray..." they fold their hands and show me....nothing like throwing God in a bathroom trip! I need Him usually the most in these moments.......
2. I ask them to show me how tall they are and stand up against the wall with their hands against it...with all three of them they make it a game....Maybe I am preparing them for a mug shot???
As for our "van potty" Let's just say in times of "Crisis" I have used it myself...TMI???? I have heard moms share their stories of using diapers in the car so my method makes me feel a step ahead of the game:) but as for today this was my relief with Hank........
 |
| The postman's bathroom (this is at a local park...that I have seen random people stop and use and today used with hank...yes that is a Superman sticker on the door!!!) |
The second part of the day I allowed my bladder to suffer in while trying to find a moment of peace...as usual, something had to give...........
Thursday, September 16, 2010
GO TO BED!!!!!
I thought you couldn't survive without sleep??? So why do my children fight it??? Why do they not GO TO BED....WHY DO THEY KEEP GETTING UP...WHY DO THEY INSIST ON CRAWLING INTO BED WITH US??? Shouldn't one desire to be comfortable to sleep and cramming four bodies into one bed just isn't comfortable....I remember doing all of this to my parents and remember how being with them felt safe...I also now understand how they felt and why they were so tired all the time!!!
My first child slept with us until she was 8 months...some times with us and sometimes in her car sleep...at least she slept.
My second one...I am smiling...My little Mar...she needs her own blog...she was the spitter upper, poop up the back kid at 4 am and screamed and fought sleep...We would drive in the car, thinking she was asleep and find her wide awake....We even had to buy a tent for her crib (yes they make those) because she wouldn't stay in bed. I even got the looks from people when we told them how she slept and the "unasked for" advice of, "oh you just need to keep putting her back in bed, even if it takes 77 times..." Funny those people never offered to come do it...and if you know me...I did the 77 plus 100 times more and spent the $80.00 bucks on the tent. She may need therapy someday but for a while I got some sleep. Might I mention she also quit taking naps at 15 months. That tent was for my sanity during the day.
My third one, he is our boy and at least with that, he is our easy one with bedtime, so far. We just put him in a "big boy bed" so anything can go now.
I googled sleep deprivation about about 1,200,000 and more results popped up. Each link had a short description of how lack of sleep leads to mood disorders, poor diets and even death. They also state how we have come accustom to these fast paced lives and are giving up sleep because of them. All I can say is yep... everyone now a days is moody and we have incorporated Mcdonald's into our diet and fast paced lives.....(even with apple dippers, it isn't healthy???z;0)
We put our kids to bed at 8 every night school or no school....There are some nights it doesn't always look like that but we try. I believe like a lot of things, sleep is a learned habit and I want my kids to learn good habits. As I write this, I am convicted on what my sleep schedule is like.
I hate going to bed and I hate getting up. I desire so bad to get up before my kids in the morning, to work out, pray and read, have my coffee, see my husband off to work.....I fail miserably in doing so.
On the other side, I want to have lights out like the Waltons every night... everyone saying their goodnights from their beds..... but once those babies of mine are in bed or in and out of bed 5 or 10 times, I just want to vedge or if anything just finish laundry....again failing miserably on the right thing.
I know this is just a season of life but also really wonder once it is over, will I adjust to what I want? Even before kids, I didn't go to bed early and seldom got up early unless I had to work. Did I just learn a bad habit and now have to break it so my children can learn a good one?
I really am up for the challenge, but like my 7 year old, " I don't want to go to bed...."
This summer I think we started heading somewhere in the right direction. We got rid of cable in hopes to use our time at night better. It has helped a lot. Most nights we are going to bed at a decent time but I still am not finding the motivation to rise early!
My mind is now mush...it must be telling me to go to bed. ...Like my kids, I am dreading brushing my teeth and washing my face. I think I know too it is because either the moment I fall asleep I will hear foot steps or wake up in a panic because of something I forgot to do or need to remember to do something in the morning.........still up...hoping something else pops in my head....night
My first child slept with us until she was 8 months...some times with us and sometimes in her car sleep...at least she slept.
My second one...I am smiling...My little Mar...she needs her own blog...she was the spitter upper, poop up the back kid at 4 am and screamed and fought sleep...We would drive in the car, thinking she was asleep and find her wide awake....We even had to buy a tent for her crib (yes they make those) because she wouldn't stay in bed. I even got the looks from people when we told them how she slept and the "unasked for" advice of, "oh you just need to keep putting her back in bed, even if it takes 77 times..." Funny those people never offered to come do it...and if you know me...I did the 77 plus 100 times more and spent the $80.00 bucks on the tent. She may need therapy someday but for a while I got some sleep. Might I mention she also quit taking naps at 15 months. That tent was for my sanity during the day.
My third one, he is our boy and at least with that, he is our easy one with bedtime, so far. We just put him in a "big boy bed" so anything can go now.
I googled sleep deprivation about about 1,200,000 and more results popped up. Each link had a short description of how lack of sleep leads to mood disorders, poor diets and even death. They also state how we have come accustom to these fast paced lives and are giving up sleep because of them. All I can say is yep... everyone now a days is moody and we have incorporated Mcdonald's into our diet and fast paced lives.....(even with apple dippers, it isn't healthy???z;0)
We put our kids to bed at 8 every night school or no school....There are some nights it doesn't always look like that but we try. I believe like a lot of things, sleep is a learned habit and I want my kids to learn good habits. As I write this, I am convicted on what my sleep schedule is like.
I hate going to bed and I hate getting up. I desire so bad to get up before my kids in the morning, to work out, pray and read, have my coffee, see my husband off to work.....I fail miserably in doing so.
On the other side, I want to have lights out like the Waltons every night... everyone saying their goodnights from their beds..... but once those babies of mine are in bed or in and out of bed 5 or 10 times, I just want to vedge or if anything just finish laundry....again failing miserably on the right thing.
I know this is just a season of life but also really wonder once it is over, will I adjust to what I want? Even before kids, I didn't go to bed early and seldom got up early unless I had to work. Did I just learn a bad habit and now have to break it so my children can learn a good one?
I really am up for the challenge, but like my 7 year old, " I don't want to go to bed...."
This summer I think we started heading somewhere in the right direction. We got rid of cable in hopes to use our time at night better. It has helped a lot. Most nights we are going to bed at a decent time but I still am not finding the motivation to rise early!
My mind is now mush...it must be telling me to go to bed. ...Like my kids, I am dreading brushing my teeth and washing my face. I think I know too it is because either the moment I fall asleep I will hear foot steps or wake up in a panic because of something I forgot to do or need to remember to do something in the morning.........still up...hoping something else pops in my head....night
Friday, August 13, 2010
Don't Touch!!!
How many times a day do you use the phrase, "DON"T TOUCH!" with your children?
Did you know that a baby will fail to thrive if they are not touched? There is an actual diagnosis for this called Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) which arises from a failure to form normal attachments to primary caregivers in early childhood. Children need to be held and loved on to survive....There is an actual technique called Kangaroo Care used for this for infants:
Kangaroo care seeks to provide restored closeness of the newborn with mother or father by placing the infant in direct skin-to-skin contact with one of them. This ensures physiological and psychological warmth and bonding. Not just with parents, but this technique is used in foreign countries in orphanages. (sources from wikipedia)
]So why it is as a mom there are just some days YOU don't want to be touched??? After having to have my van serviced today, I walked my children home from a friends in the miserable heat, using our wagon, which of course my children didn't want to ride in, and then the middle one wanted me to carry her. After not being with her all day I wanted to love on her and hold her but then a few minutes went by and I just wanted to put her down....I was tired, hot, sweaty and trying to traffic two other children. She just cried and wanted to be carried.....And I wanted to scream, "Get off Me...."
This is not a new concept, I know that. But it is just a frustrating one. I want to love on my kids and at the same time want them in bed so I can just be still. My poor dog even by the end of the day wants me to love on her and I am just wiped out and can barely lift a hand to pet her. And we won't go there with the husband either (there are whole marriage conferences for that!!:) We all know how I got the three children:)
I am just amazed that on one side of the spectrum there is failure to thrive if not touched and then on the other you feel like if you are poked or probed or sat on one more time you are going to be sent to the nut house!
So tonight I held my kids a few minutes longer each before they went to bed. I tried to take in there little bodies, their little faces and know that soon it will all be gone and they will be too big to be cuddled and will be asking me not to hug them in public. That will be a sad day.
I grew up with a grandma who gave a mean back scratch and it has become sort of a "family tradition" if you can call it that. My kids LOVE to have their back scratched. So in our little cuddle times they get a little back scratch. Lately though, in return my kids want to scratch or rub my back too. I find it so cute and again in my "Don't Touch Me Moments" irritating (being honest...those are just in my sensory overload moments;)). But what I know and am thankful, is they are learning to love by giving that love back to me.
Earlier this spring I finally splurged on a massage. I have never had one and after having 3 children I HIGHLY recommend you to save your pennies. I let a total stranger work her magic on me and for an hour can you say "Relief?" I just googled touch therapy and 6,290,000 results came up along with other searches you can do. Touch is a stress reliever. Dr. Gary Chapman has a whole book series on The Five Love Languages, one of them being Touch.......
I am just finding this all to be a catch 22!! Probably just speaking out from the heat and tiredness!!!
In all, I know that in the world of a mom, a teacher, a childcare worker....They get me!!!
Did you know that a baby will fail to thrive if they are not touched? There is an actual diagnosis for this called Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) which arises from a failure to form normal attachments to primary caregivers in early childhood. Children need to be held and loved on to survive....There is an actual technique called Kangaroo Care used for this for infants:
Kangaroo care seeks to provide restored closeness of the newborn with mother or father by placing the infant in direct skin-to-skin contact with one of them. This ensures physiological and psychological warmth and bonding. Not just with parents, but this technique is used in foreign countries in orphanages. (sources from wikipedia)
]So why it is as a mom there are just some days YOU don't want to be touched??? After having to have my van serviced today, I walked my children home from a friends in the miserable heat, using our wagon, which of course my children didn't want to ride in, and then the middle one wanted me to carry her. After not being with her all day I wanted to love on her and hold her but then a few minutes went by and I just wanted to put her down....I was tired, hot, sweaty and trying to traffic two other children. She just cried and wanted to be carried.....And I wanted to scream, "Get off Me...."
This is not a new concept, I know that. But it is just a frustrating one. I want to love on my kids and at the same time want them in bed so I can just be still. My poor dog even by the end of the day wants me to love on her and I am just wiped out and can barely lift a hand to pet her. And we won't go there with the husband either (there are whole marriage conferences for that!!:) We all know how I got the three children:)
I am just amazed that on one side of the spectrum there is failure to thrive if not touched and then on the other you feel like if you are poked or probed or sat on one more time you are going to be sent to the nut house!
So tonight I held my kids a few minutes longer each before they went to bed. I tried to take in there little bodies, their little faces and know that soon it will all be gone and they will be too big to be cuddled and will be asking me not to hug them in public. That will be a sad day.
I grew up with a grandma who gave a mean back scratch and it has become sort of a "family tradition" if you can call it that. My kids LOVE to have their back scratched. So in our little cuddle times they get a little back scratch. Lately though, in return my kids want to scratch or rub my back too. I find it so cute and again in my "Don't Touch Me Moments" irritating (being honest...those are just in my sensory overload moments;)). But what I know and am thankful, is they are learning to love by giving that love back to me.
Earlier this spring I finally splurged on a massage. I have never had one and after having 3 children I HIGHLY recommend you to save your pennies. I let a total stranger work her magic on me and for an hour can you say "Relief?" I just googled touch therapy and 6,290,000 results came up along with other searches you can do. Touch is a stress reliever. Dr. Gary Chapman has a whole book series on The Five Love Languages, one of them being Touch.......
I am just finding this all to be a catch 22!! Probably just speaking out from the heat and tiredness!!!
In all, I know that in the world of a mom, a teacher, a childcare worker....They get me!!!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Surviving?
To start my first post I have to start of with why picking the title....
A few weeks ago after a talk with a good friend about raising kids and our parenting style ( ok, maybe lack of!!) She had told me that at a doctors appointment the doctor had asked her how she would describe her parenting style and she replied, "Well...just surviving..." The doctor then said, "Oh, that's not good." I laughed and right then a light went off.
What my friend doesn't know that I was so impressed that she could give such an honest answer. If it were me, I would have came up with some answer of, "It is ok, some days are harder than others..." UMMM CAN YOU SAY DENIAL!!!! (And I am thinking that doctor doesn't have kids!!)
Like I said, it was like this light went off in my head. I still am not sure how it all connects, but I have come to sense that some days we are just meant to be in "Survival Mode". And some of these days can turn into weeks, months, years......God just works that way and just needs to get our attention. If it isn't those days for you, it is for someone you know. If you're honest too, tomorrow can change everything.
I am drawn to the Psalms and know even more now as a mom of why. It is because most of them are calls out to God when in desperate need. In times of just surviving and all you can do is "CRY OUT TO HIM"......David was being chased by a mad man when he wrote most of them...out in the desert, all alone, tired, hungry, scared....As a mom I GET THAT.....not just as a mom, as a grown woman who is wondering what is "NEXT".....Just Surviving....Surviving the day to day life of chaos and dysfunction and blur of life.....of myself, my children, my husband, my family and friends and all that can fit into the 24 hours of a day.....
The last year I have tried to memorize and really pray Psalm 63. Read it for yourself. He uses the words and phrases, "Earnestly seeks; thirsts; longs for; dry and weary land; soul clings...." Can you feel that? He is in NEED.
Tonight after reading in Genesis 12 and how Abraham was called to leave everything and wondering how that must have felt and thinking about my own move away from home almost 10 years ago; I felt drawn to write out the major events in those past years. There were points that I remember feeling I was just surviving; so tired, burnt out, and anxious. Now I look back and think "that was nothing". Again that is Surviving. I thought I wasn't going to make it but I did. Here is the definition of surviving...
survive |sərˈvīv|verb [ intrans. ]continue to live or exist, esp. in spite of danger or hardship : against allodds the child survived.• [ trans. ] continue to live or exist in spite of (an accident or ordeal) :he has survived several assassination attempts.• [ trans. ] remain alive after the death of (a particular person) : he was survived by his wife and six children | [as adj. ] ( surviving) there were no surviving relatives.• [ intrans. ] manage to keep going in difficult circumstances : she had to work day and night and survive on two hours sleep.
I like the last definition: manage to keep going in difficult circumstances. In order to live you have to keep surviving, keep going. That is why the past events on my list now don't feel so hard, I kept going and have the hope and faith to continue.....
In some of those hardest moments I have had some of the most amazing friends to keep me going. I want to engage with people who get that. Laugh with them. Share my stories of day to day surviving. Hear others stories too. It is with good company you get through these moments....Manage to keep going in difficult circumstances......People to laugh, cry and pray with....to Just Survive with....
A few weeks ago after a talk with a good friend about raising kids and our parenting style ( ok, maybe lack of!!) She had told me that at a doctors appointment the doctor had asked her how she would describe her parenting style and she replied, "Well...just surviving..." The doctor then said, "Oh, that's not good." I laughed and right then a light went off.
What my friend doesn't know that I was so impressed that she could give such an honest answer. If it were me, I would have came up with some answer of, "It is ok, some days are harder than others..." UMMM CAN YOU SAY DENIAL!!!! (And I am thinking that doctor doesn't have kids!!)
Like I said, it was like this light went off in my head. I still am not sure how it all connects, but I have come to sense that some days we are just meant to be in "Survival Mode". And some of these days can turn into weeks, months, years......God just works that way and just needs to get our attention. If it isn't those days for you, it is for someone you know. If you're honest too, tomorrow can change everything.
I am drawn to the Psalms and know even more now as a mom of why. It is because most of them are calls out to God when in desperate need. In times of just surviving and all you can do is "CRY OUT TO HIM"......David was being chased by a mad man when he wrote most of them...out in the desert, all alone, tired, hungry, scared....As a mom I GET THAT.....not just as a mom, as a grown woman who is wondering what is "NEXT".....Just Surviving....Surviving the day to day life of chaos and dysfunction and blur of life.....of myself, my children, my husband, my family and friends and all that can fit into the 24 hours of a day.....
The last year I have tried to memorize and really pray Psalm 63. Read it for yourself. He uses the words and phrases, "Earnestly seeks; thirsts; longs for; dry and weary land; soul clings...." Can you feel that? He is in NEED.
Tonight after reading in Genesis 12 and how Abraham was called to leave everything and wondering how that must have felt and thinking about my own move away from home almost 10 years ago; I felt drawn to write out the major events in those past years. There were points that I remember feeling I was just surviving; so tired, burnt out, and anxious. Now I look back and think "that was nothing". Again that is Surviving. I thought I wasn't going to make it but I did. Here is the definition of surviving...
survive |sərˈvīv|verb [ intrans. ]continue to live or exist, esp. in spite of danger or hardship : against allodds the child survived.• [ trans. ] continue to live or exist in spite of (an accident or ordeal) :he has survived several assassination attempts.• [ trans. ] remain alive after the death of (a particular person) : he was survived by his wife and six children | [as adj. ] ( surviving) there were no surviving relatives.• [ intrans. ] manage to keep going in difficult circumstances : she had to work day and night and survive on two hours sleep.
I like the last definition: manage to keep going in difficult circumstances. In order to live you have to keep surviving, keep going. That is why the past events on my list now don't feel so hard, I kept going and have the hope and faith to continue.....
In some of those hardest moments I have had some of the most amazing friends to keep me going. I want to engage with people who get that. Laugh with them. Share my stories of day to day surviving. Hear others stories too. It is with good company you get through these moments....Manage to keep going in difficult circumstances......People to laugh, cry and pray with....to Just Survive with....
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