How many times a day do you use the phrase, "DON"T TOUCH!" with your children?
Did you know that a baby will fail to thrive if they are not touched? There is an actual diagnosis for this called Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) which arises from a failure to form normal attachments to primary caregivers in early childhood. Children need to be held and loved on to survive....There is an actual technique called Kangaroo Care used for this for infants:
Kangaroo care seeks to provide restored closeness of the newborn with mother or father by placing the infant in direct skin-to-skin contact with one of them. This ensures physiological and psychological warmth and bonding. Not just with parents, but this technique is used in foreign countries in orphanages. (sources from wikipedia)
]So why it is as a mom there are just some days YOU don't want to be touched??? After having to have my van serviced today, I walked my children home from a friends in the miserable heat, using our wagon, which of course my children didn't want to ride in, and then the middle one wanted me to carry her. After not being with her all day I wanted to love on her and hold her but then a few minutes went by and I just wanted to put her down....I was tired, hot, sweaty and trying to traffic two other children. She just cried and wanted to be carried.....And I wanted to scream, "Get off Me...."
This is not a new concept, I know that. But it is just a frustrating one. I want to love on my kids and at the same time want them in bed so I can just be still. My poor dog even by the end of the day wants me to love on her and I am just wiped out and can barely lift a hand to pet her. And we won't go there with the husband either (there are whole marriage conferences for that!!:) We all know how I got the three children:)
I am just amazed that on one side of the spectrum there is failure to thrive if not touched and then on the other you feel like if you are poked or probed or sat on one more time you are going to be sent to the nut house!
So tonight I held my kids a few minutes longer each before they went to bed. I tried to take in there little bodies, their little faces and know that soon it will all be gone and they will be too big to be cuddled and will be asking me not to hug them in public. That will be a sad day.
I grew up with a grandma who gave a mean back scratch and it has become sort of a "family tradition" if you can call it that. My kids LOVE to have their back scratched. So in our little cuddle times they get a little back scratch. Lately though, in return my kids want to scratch or rub my back too. I find it so cute and again in my "Don't Touch Me Moments" irritating (being honest...those are just in my sensory overload moments;)). But what I know and am thankful, is they are learning to love by giving that love back to me.
Earlier this spring I finally splurged on a massage. I have never had one and after having 3 children I HIGHLY recommend you to save your pennies. I let a total stranger work her magic on me and for an hour can you say "Relief?" I just googled touch therapy and 6,290,000 results came up along with other searches you can do. Touch is a stress reliever. Dr. Gary Chapman has a whole book series on The Five Love Languages, one of them being Touch.......
I am just finding this all to be a catch 22!! Probably just speaking out from the heat and tiredness!!!
In all, I know that in the world of a mom, a teacher, a childcare worker....They get me!!!
Friday, August 13, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Surviving?
To start my first post I have to start of with why picking the title....
A few weeks ago after a talk with a good friend about raising kids and our parenting style ( ok, maybe lack of!!) She had told me that at a doctors appointment the doctor had asked her how she would describe her parenting style and she replied, "Well...just surviving..." The doctor then said, "Oh, that's not good." I laughed and right then a light went off.
What my friend doesn't know that I was so impressed that she could give such an honest answer. If it were me, I would have came up with some answer of, "It is ok, some days are harder than others..." UMMM CAN YOU SAY DENIAL!!!! (And I am thinking that doctor doesn't have kids!!)
Like I said, it was like this light went off in my head. I still am not sure how it all connects, but I have come to sense that some days we are just meant to be in "Survival Mode". And some of these days can turn into weeks, months, years......God just works that way and just needs to get our attention. If it isn't those days for you, it is for someone you know. If you're honest too, tomorrow can change everything.
I am drawn to the Psalms and know even more now as a mom of why. It is because most of them are calls out to God when in desperate need. In times of just surviving and all you can do is "CRY OUT TO HIM"......David was being chased by a mad man when he wrote most of them...out in the desert, all alone, tired, hungry, scared....As a mom I GET THAT.....not just as a mom, as a grown woman who is wondering what is "NEXT".....Just Surviving....Surviving the day to day life of chaos and dysfunction and blur of life.....of myself, my children, my husband, my family and friends and all that can fit into the 24 hours of a day.....
The last year I have tried to memorize and really pray Psalm 63. Read it for yourself. He uses the words and phrases, "Earnestly seeks; thirsts; longs for; dry and weary land; soul clings...." Can you feel that? He is in NEED.
Tonight after reading in Genesis 12 and how Abraham was called to leave everything and wondering how that must have felt and thinking about my own move away from home almost 10 years ago; I felt drawn to write out the major events in those past years. There were points that I remember feeling I was just surviving; so tired, burnt out, and anxious. Now I look back and think "that was nothing". Again that is Surviving. I thought I wasn't going to make it but I did. Here is the definition of surviving...
survive |sərˈvīv|verb [ intrans. ]continue to live or exist, esp. in spite of danger or hardship : against allodds the child survived.• [ trans. ] continue to live or exist in spite of (an accident or ordeal) :he has survived several assassination attempts.• [ trans. ] remain alive after the death of (a particular person) : he was survived by his wife and six children | [as adj. ] ( surviving) there were no surviving relatives.• [ intrans. ] manage to keep going in difficult circumstances : she had to work day and night and survive on two hours sleep.
I like the last definition: manage to keep going in difficult circumstances. In order to live you have to keep surviving, keep going. That is why the past events on my list now don't feel so hard, I kept going and have the hope and faith to continue.....
In some of those hardest moments I have had some of the most amazing friends to keep me going. I want to engage with people who get that. Laugh with them. Share my stories of day to day surviving. Hear others stories too. It is with good company you get through these moments....Manage to keep going in difficult circumstances......People to laugh, cry and pray with....to Just Survive with....
A few weeks ago after a talk with a good friend about raising kids and our parenting style ( ok, maybe lack of!!) She had told me that at a doctors appointment the doctor had asked her how she would describe her parenting style and she replied, "Well...just surviving..." The doctor then said, "Oh, that's not good." I laughed and right then a light went off.
What my friend doesn't know that I was so impressed that she could give such an honest answer. If it were me, I would have came up with some answer of, "It is ok, some days are harder than others..." UMMM CAN YOU SAY DENIAL!!!! (And I am thinking that doctor doesn't have kids!!)
Like I said, it was like this light went off in my head. I still am not sure how it all connects, but I have come to sense that some days we are just meant to be in "Survival Mode". And some of these days can turn into weeks, months, years......God just works that way and just needs to get our attention. If it isn't those days for you, it is for someone you know. If you're honest too, tomorrow can change everything.
I am drawn to the Psalms and know even more now as a mom of why. It is because most of them are calls out to God when in desperate need. In times of just surviving and all you can do is "CRY OUT TO HIM"......David was being chased by a mad man when he wrote most of them...out in the desert, all alone, tired, hungry, scared....As a mom I GET THAT.....not just as a mom, as a grown woman who is wondering what is "NEXT".....Just Surviving....Surviving the day to day life of chaos and dysfunction and blur of life.....of myself, my children, my husband, my family and friends and all that can fit into the 24 hours of a day.....
The last year I have tried to memorize and really pray Psalm 63. Read it for yourself. He uses the words and phrases, "Earnestly seeks; thirsts; longs for; dry and weary land; soul clings...." Can you feel that? He is in NEED.
Tonight after reading in Genesis 12 and how Abraham was called to leave everything and wondering how that must have felt and thinking about my own move away from home almost 10 years ago; I felt drawn to write out the major events in those past years. There were points that I remember feeling I was just surviving; so tired, burnt out, and anxious. Now I look back and think "that was nothing". Again that is Surviving. I thought I wasn't going to make it but I did. Here is the definition of surviving...
survive |sərˈvīv|verb [ intrans. ]continue to live or exist, esp. in spite of danger or hardship : against allodds the child survived.• [ trans. ] continue to live or exist in spite of (an accident or ordeal) :he has survived several assassination attempts.• [ trans. ] remain alive after the death of (a particular person) : he was survived by his wife and six children | [as adj. ] ( surviving) there were no surviving relatives.• [ intrans. ] manage to keep going in difficult circumstances : she had to work day and night and survive on two hours sleep.
I like the last definition: manage to keep going in difficult circumstances. In order to live you have to keep surviving, keep going. That is why the past events on my list now don't feel so hard, I kept going and have the hope and faith to continue.....
In some of those hardest moments I have had some of the most amazing friends to keep me going. I want to engage with people who get that. Laugh with them. Share my stories of day to day surviving. Hear others stories too. It is with good company you get through these moments....Manage to keep going in difficult circumstances......People to laugh, cry and pray with....to Just Survive with....
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